{ They Call me Mom}

I remember the very first time I ever made spaghetti for my family, it was a momentous and proud occasion. I was only 11 years old but I remember the pride I felt when I served my family that delicious sauce over the al dente noodles with the precious Parmesan cheese from America. And now, nine years later the feeling of joy hasn't dwindled but increased. Ever since my grandma's passing almost a month ago, I have dealt with the normal emotions that death of a loved one brings. Sadness,loss,confusion and sometimes anger. But I have found that when I make food for other people, it makes me feel much,much better. Even the sound of a homemade meal at bible college gets people excited, and that brings a smile to my face. So today, I decided that scalloped potatoes and apple crisp. How can one go wrong with potatoes,cheese,butter? And then washing it down with apples and sugar? You can't. So I spent the better part of the morning fixing this meal in the big industrial kitchen, and I have found that cooking in a big stainless kitchen is not relaxing, but I practiced my delegation skills. Mom, you'd be proud!

So after several hours of peeling,stirring,whipping,mixing,baking,sprinkling, two other girls and five very Hungary boys sat out on the lawn and ate a delicious meal ( if I do say so myself ) And if they are all honest, they enjoyed it thoroughly enjoyed it and I believe I will be cooking again soon.-Autie

{Home Again}

It's a quiet Saturday afternoon at the castle, many are going home for Easter and others are napping in the emptiness of the rooms. I am sitting the coffee shop with friends eating oreos with peanut butter, top ramen, and sipping mint tea. Although I thrive on noise and people, I am enjoying the quiet and the peace.

Nine days ago I left the castle back to my childhood home of Romania, and I returned last night. The eight days were filled with adventures,blessings, and lots {lots} of children's ministry. We visited an orphanage,an abandoned baby hospital,a foster family,a gypsy village and four days of doing children's ministry for a leadership conference.

I was most definitely blessed and I had to step out of my comfort zone. But I have found that when you take that step you open up your heart to the incredible things that God has for you. But above all of the things that God spoke to me about there was one lesson in particular that He wanted me to learn.

His Overflowing Provision

During outreach the whole team was unexpectedly thrown an extra 80 dollars a person. WOW! Sure, I knew that God could do anything . But because I am a worrier and a doubter, my faith was not up to par.
But because God has a sense of humor and because He has good,good things for me. He provided abundantly.
A part of my team and myself was walking in the small town near our hotel, and then out of nowhere we found 400 leu on the ground. Somehow we managed to get passed the shock and gather up the money. 400 leu is 360 in American Dollars.

Wow God.

The hotel cut the extra cost to forty dollars, so we used that paid to pay our hotel expenses. So that extra money left money for the gas home,dinner that night, money for our trip to Budapest, and a little bit of spending money. And we will get money back from the original outreach cost.
After hearing this from our leader, we got down on our knees and thanked God. I was laughing during my prayer because I was so amazed at God and how even when we doubt, he enjoys proving us wrong.

I grew up a Calvary missionary kid, money was not flowing endlessly from our bank account. But God always provided, this was of course awesome, but God made himself real to me in this way. Who could ask for a better outreach?

Praise God

~ Autie

"...If I will not open for you the windows of heaven
And pour out for you such blessing
That there will not be room enough to receive it."
~Malachi 3:10

{ Here I Go}

So,

This week's post will be a little short as I am sick and am up past my bedtime. It is a stressful week, there was a make-up class, extra M199 servant hood hours,Chuck tapes due early, and a huge Apologetics paper that is due by curfew tomorrow. It is the weeks like these that I must fully rely on the Lord and know that He is my strength.

I simply could not imagine my life without Christ. It is impossible for me to imagine this, no Christ to lean on everyday. From where would I receive my strength? Don't get me wrong, I have awesome and incredible friends and family, but Christ is the only one who is able to get me through the day. So friends, I encourage you to be sustained by Christ and only Christ.

Friday Morning, I will be leaving for my 10-day outreach for Oradea, Romania! I am obviously very,very excited to return to " ze old country", and I am excited to see old friends and basically family. But I am more excited about the things that I know God has for me there and the lessons he is ready to teach. I hope and pray that my heart is soft to receive them. Please pray as my team and I will be making a six hour drive down to Oradea. I will be documenting my trip and will share about my experiences.

So...Here I Go... I am ready Lord... Sustain me... Fill Me... Break Me... and Use Me According to Your Will.

-Autie

{ The Week of Farewells}

It's a blustery night in my town of Vajta,Hungary and it's 30 minutes until curfew, so the castle is falling asleep and resting for another day.

Two of my schoolmates are leaving, one is my roommate, the other my next-door-neighbor-who-became-my-roommate. I know both of these girls are sensitive to God's voice and will for their lives, and I know that they are following God's calling. As a believer, you can hardly be sad about these things because you know it's God's desire. But on the other hand, you will miss the sweet fellowship and the oneness you shared while you were together.

This weekend, my grandma Suzy who has been battling lung cancer since November passed away. I wasn't sure what to think when I heard the news, I felt anger,sadness,disbelief,shock, but those emotions were quickly overcome with peace.
I almost don't know what to feel yet, I think it is because I am so very far away from the drama and finality of it all. But emotions will come, they will come when I least expect it, and I know, that without a doubt that they will hit hard.
I am going to miss my grandma. I am going to miss her laugh, the large lung capacity when she got silly. I will miss the fact that she was a silly grandma in general and always ready to have fun.
I will miss you Grandma, and you are in my heart as I write this .

As these next few months will be filled with emotions, ups and the downs. Bear with me,keep me in prayer, and ask that I will write with wisdom and exhortation.

Much love,

Autie

{ Remembering The People}

This weekend was our "long weekend" at school, everyone had plans. Some would go to the city to explore and taste some of Hungary we do not get to enjoy.. Some would go home and spend their weekends resting with family. . Some would stay behind and enjoy the quiet castle that is usually bustling with activity. And some would go on an adventure of a lifetime to Krakow,Poland.

So, on Thursday Afternoon, March 31st 2011. 11 people set off for Krakow, Poland. Eight Americans, One Austrian, One Fin, One Indian. We knew that God would use this Spring Break to revel His provision for us! At every turn there was some kind of block, but we just stopped and prayed. And God wanted made a way for us, and I have come to know a little more of the God that I call Father.

We stayed in a Communist-style hostel ( no kidding) and went to Auschwitz and Auschwitz-Birkenau. The whole idea of a concentration camp is sickening, and the fact that I visited a place where millions of people were ruthlessly murdered is horrific. I haven't been able to process it all, but I can say this. The crimes committed in that place are unbelievable.

But even in the desolation of that place, there is hope. There is God. Looking from the inside out, you can see His faithfulness.
Israel is still a nation, they are still His chosen People.

Let us not forget to remember the memory of the human beings that suffered. Let us not forget the history of those who died innocently.

"Those who forget history are condemned to repeat it?"
~ George Santayana

-autie

{ Friday Night }

Hello World,

So this week went by incredibly fast, but now I am throughly enjoying my weekend!The weekend started at a great start last night after dinner. A small group of friends was orgnized by one of the Missonary Kids/Pastor's Kids, to play an epic game of 'sardines' in the entire castle! I must have run at least 3 miles around the castle, up and down stairs, in and out of doors, and climbing under and over. After two hours of running around like mad people, I collasped into bed. And slept until five minutes before breakfast.

I love college!

~autie

{Broken}

It has been a physically,emotionally, and mentally exhausting week. But more importantly, it has been a spiritually refreshing week.

Speaker's Week was incredible and as expected God spent the entire week molding my heart and confirming places that were uneasy in my heart. This entire semester, I have felt God's calling for my life is for me to be broken. Brokenness does not necessary mean that someone in my life will die or another tragic events will happen to be me. No, brokenness means that I need to come before God, and be completely honest with Him. So, because I have been called to be broken I have been called to be humble. But I heard all of this before Thursday night, God was preparing my heat for Thursday night,and I experience God's compassion for me.
So,as some of you know, my unsaved paternal grandma was diagnosised with lung cancer in November. On Thursday night, I received an email from my mom saying that the cancer had spread to her heart and the doctors have given her six months.
"Wow, Autumn"

In that moment, I was broken, I began to cry and my friend, Callie, basically carried me from the classroom to the hallway, where we prayed. After we finished praying, I went to the ladies room to clean myself up, and there I met my roommate Nastya. And again, I was prayer for. After that, I went to the chapel, and oddly enough it was Koinania and they were having an afterglow so there were a lot of pastors praying for people. So, for the third time in ten minutes I received prayer! After Koinania had ended, I talked with a Pastor and his wife for a wife minutes, they gave me some advice and they both laid hands on me and I received prayer.

I felt at peace , not because I was being prayed over but because from that instant when I read the email from my mom, I had a peace that passes all understanding. This, in it self is God's love and grace for me.

That next morning at breakfast, I woke up in a weepy state, but because I had breakfast that morning I had to clean my face and paste on a smile. But during that whole time,I wanted to scream and throw plates. I was not and am not angry at God, no, I know that He is in control. I was angry at sin, I was angry at sin for causing cancer, and I was angry that my grandma possess a hard heart towards God. So, emotionally I had calmed down by the time that the first session had started. And the message? God's grace and love through suffering. No, I am not kidding. The verse that Pastor Frank began with was 1 Peter 5:10

And the God of all grace, who called you unto His eternal glory in Christ, after ye has suffered a little while, shall himself be made perfect, establish and strengthen you.

God is going to use a little sand paper and put me through a little pain, but His glory will perfect me. Am I ready and willing to be humbled before Him? Am I willing to be broken in honesty and in truth? Do I believe that He has a plan not only for my grandma's life, but also for mine?
With God's strength and power, I say Yes.

-Autie