{Broken}

It has been a physically,emotionally, and mentally exhausting week. But more importantly, it has been a spiritually refreshing week.

Speaker's Week was incredible and as expected God spent the entire week molding my heart and confirming places that were uneasy in my heart. This entire semester, I have felt God's calling for my life is for me to be broken. Brokenness does not necessary mean that someone in my life will die or another tragic events will happen to be me. No, brokenness means that I need to come before God, and be completely honest with Him. So, because I have been called to be broken I have been called to be humble. But I heard all of this before Thursday night, God was preparing my heat for Thursday night,and I experience God's compassion for me.
So,as some of you know, my unsaved paternal grandma was diagnosised with lung cancer in November. On Thursday night, I received an email from my mom saying that the cancer had spread to her heart and the doctors have given her six months.
"Wow, Autumn"

In that moment, I was broken, I began to cry and my friend, Callie, basically carried me from the classroom to the hallway, where we prayed. After we finished praying, I went to the ladies room to clean myself up, and there I met my roommate Nastya. And again, I was prayer for. After that, I went to the chapel, and oddly enough it was Koinania and they were having an afterglow so there were a lot of pastors praying for people. So, for the third time in ten minutes I received prayer! After Koinania had ended, I talked with a Pastor and his wife for a wife minutes, they gave me some advice and they both laid hands on me and I received prayer.

I felt at peace , not because I was being prayed over but because from that instant when I read the email from my mom, I had a peace that passes all understanding. This, in it self is God's love and grace for me.

That next morning at breakfast, I woke up in a weepy state, but because I had breakfast that morning I had to clean my face and paste on a smile. But during that whole time,I wanted to scream and throw plates. I was not and am not angry at God, no, I know that He is in control. I was angry at sin, I was angry at sin for causing cancer, and I was angry that my grandma possess a hard heart towards God. So, emotionally I had calmed down by the time that the first session had started. And the message? God's grace and love through suffering. No, I am not kidding. The verse that Pastor Frank began with was 1 Peter 5:10

And the God of all grace, who called you unto His eternal glory in Christ, after ye has suffered a little while, shall himself be made perfect, establish and strengthen you.

God is going to use a little sand paper and put me through a little pain, but His glory will perfect me. Am I ready and willing to be humbled before Him? Am I willing to be broken in honesty and in truth? Do I believe that He has a plan not only for my grandma's life, but also for mine?
With God's strength and power, I say Yes.

-Autie