On Being An Expectant Mother

As many of you know, Travis and I are expecting mini Wallace in March! We cannot begin to tell you how excited we are to have this blessing in our lives! I want to you open and honest with you my readers because I expect the same from others, and I don't share anything on my blog that I wouldn't tell you in person ( obviously). It was the day of our friend's Illes & Evi wedding, Travis had made her dress so of course my genius husband of a designer had to be there! Anyways, through the course of the day, we were talking how I hadn't felt good lately. But I blamed it on the heat and blah blah blah. Then Travis looked at me " Maybe you're pregnant"... I said " Heck to no, impossible!!"...we dropped it for a bit,and I really tried hard to ignore the fact...but I couldn't, I felt worse and worse every day. So I took a pregnancy test,and to my relief it was negative,but in the back of my mind I knew it could have been to early to take one.  For the next few weeks, I was upset, I was annoyed and just frustrated! I didn't want a baby yet! I wasn't ready! I wasn't ready to feel tired,sick, or disgusting 24/7. I wasn't ready to lose my newlywed body to the  inevitable pregnancy weight gain.  And I was most certianly not ready to be a mom, because I knew that would change a lot of things.  It would not longer just be Travis and I, there would be a +1 involved. I was a newlywed, and I just wanted to be a newlywed! I cried about it ,(another obvious sign of pregnancy, hysterical emotions) and I was upset with God. I told Him "this was NOT in our plan,Lord! What are you thinking!?!" I think I thought that everyday for nearly two weeks. As you can see I really struggled with this, my sweet husband, not so much, he was excited about being the prospect of being dad, and he was rightfully sad that I was not. But he was patient with me day after day, reminding me that God had it own agenda for us.  I knew that I had to let it all go because what's done is done,but I really didn't want to . That very day we had a staff meeting, and I had been throwing a fit about this whole deal just moments earlier, but I put on a face and calmed myself  and acted like an adult. And then suddenly, quite randomly someone said to another staff member " You know, sometime God's plan for us is not what we want but He knows it's what we need". This struck my heart, and I began to cry, Travis was looking at me and I just nodded at him. At that moment, I had peace with the Lord, and I decided that whatever came, I would trust that He knew.

The end of the month came and went, and I knew it was time for the ultimate test! Travis went out to get some flour, I well.. peed on the stick, stuck on the cap and flipped it upside down. I started to make brownies, I giggled to myself and thought "You might be a mother, and here you are casually making brownies!".  I looked at my iPod, it had been nearly ten minutes since I took the test... I took it deep breath,closed my eyes and turned it over...and there it was...a very prominent dark line! In that moment, I felt so much joy and happiness I couldn't even take it all in. I relished those few moments where the news of this miracle that was going inside of me was all my own. Any previous thoughts of being upset or angry that I was potentially a mom had completely gone away. I was going to be a mom! A few tears came to my eyes...

Travis came home...asked me how I was ... I said " Oh, you know, just a little pregnant!" That was a happy moment for us, and I think the peace and joy that was in my eyes was a relief for him. We were going to be parents... which is really the most exhilarating yet terrifying thought in the entire world.

As of today, I am exactly ten weeks pregnant, my blueberry is now the size of a kumquat. There are faint hairs growing on his tender and translucent skin, his little limbs can bend! Wow! That's just purely amazing!

Now, as wonderful pregnancy can be and the thought of bringing life into this world is, there are days where it basically,well,sucks. Since becoming pregnant, I have become a picky eater. Eating is usually a chore, and having almost zero energy really gets on my vibrant 20 year old body! But God gives me grace for that, and He gives my husband an extra special dose of patience to deal with it all!

Thank you again for reading... you have NO idea what it means to me when I see how many times people read my blog... it encourages and inspires me to share more!

Much Love,

Autumn Wallace